jub and jug

by nick nelson

once upon a time there lived a peasant named jub. he grew up in a valley filled with apple trees, owned by a great lord named jarg. jub was expected to live the life of his ancestors, pruning apple trees, picking apples, and digging ditches to irrigate the apple trees. but he decided he did not wish to spend his life in this manner, so he said goodbye to his kinfolk and took to the king’s highway to seek his fortune in the great world. jub walked down the highway with a song in his heart under a blue sky filled with fleecy white clouds and happily singing birds. but he did not go more than a few miles before he was captured by a gang of bandits who took him prisoner and sold him as a slave to another great lord, named jarl. jarl owned coal and diamond mines, and a great forest of walnut trees. jub would spend the rest of life digging in jarl’s coal mines nine months of the year, and digging ditches to irrigate jarl’s walnut trees the other three months. jub had a younger brother named jug, who, in his turn, decided to take to the highway. jug quickly encountered the same group of bandits who had captured jub. but as jug was a strong strapping youth and they liked his looks, the bandits invited jug to join them. jug spent the remainder of his days with the bandits, murdering and robbing and capturing unwary travelers and selling them to great lords like jarg and jarl. the lord jarl fell in love with a beautiful maiden named jacinta. he loved her dearly. but one day the gods decided to take jacinta from him, and she fell sick and died. jarl knew that he must have offended the gods, and he was stricken with remorse and decided to make a great sacrifice. he had his soldiers round up a hundred bandits and crucified them. jug was one of the bandits. and then jarl had a great bonfire prepared and cast three hundred slaves into it, including jub. all this happened many years ago. the coal mines, the diamond mines, and the apple trees are all gone, but a few of the walnut trees remain by the side of the highway, under the blue sky, filled with fleecy white clouds and happily singing birds.

existence

by nick nelson

edward evans did not get much mail, not even junk mail. but one day he received a letter with the return address of “department of existence.” he opened it. it contained a single sheet of neatly folded paper, with the letterhead of the department of existence, and a return envelope marked “postage will be paid by recipient.” the single sheet read: please justify your existence in twenty-five words or less. and added in bolder type: failure to comply will result in consequences. below that were several blank lined spaces for the twenty-five words or less. edward wrote: i don’t cause any trouble. i try not to get in anybody’s way. i like all persons. he added them up and there were seventeen words. so he added: thank you very much. have a nice day. that made twenty-four words, so he had one to spare. he went to the post office and handed the letter to a clerk. * what did you think of edward’s response? on a scale of zero (hopeless) to ten (perfect) how would you rate it? do you think you could have done better?

cold case

by nick nelson

a and b did something. a asked b, did you enjoy it? no, b replied, i did not enjoy it at all. do you want to go home? yes, please, call me a taxi. a called a taxi. they waited for the taxi. it was raining outside. the taxi arrived, and a watched through the window as it took b away. they never saw each other again. years later c, a retired detective, looked into the cold case. he was sure he knew what a and b had done. but he was never able to prove it.

the first step

by nick nelson

joey took the test on tuesday. it was his next to last chance. if he did not pass this time, he would only have one more, in another six months. the notification came in the mail on thursday. he tore open the envelope with trembling hands. he read the enclosed note - and with a shout of joy ran up the stairs. mom, mom! i passed! i passed! mom came out on to the landing to meet him and gave him a big hug. oh joey, that is so wonferful! old macgregor, in the room next door, could be heard growling, keep the noise down, will you? or at least keep your damn door closed! but joey and mom did not hear him and went inside. let me read it, mom said to joey. joey gave mom the slip of paper that notified him he had been accepted into the human race and would begin his new life the next monday. oh joey, this is so wonderful! but i always knew you could do it. joey laughed. now, let’s not carried away. i am only going to be a crew member in a mcdonalds in islamabad. oh, but it’s a start! it’s just a first step. yes, but you are a human now! pretty soon you will conquer the world, i just know you will. and after that - maybe emperor of the universe! we’ll see, joey smiled. for now, let’s just appreciate this moment. yes, let’s. you know, i didn’t say anything, but i bought a little cake to celebrate, because i just knew you would be accepted. joey smiled even wider. well then, let’s have it. you are the best son a mom ever had, joey. and you are the greatest mom a guy ever had.

too bad

by nick nelson

bob woke up. he got dressed and went downstairs. joe was drinking a cup of coffee and eating a donut. are they gone? bob asked. yes, they left about an hour ago. too bad it didn’t work out. yes, it is. when bob did not respond, joe asked, want some coffee? no thanks, i think i will just get going. so long. bob went outside. the sun was shining. he walked down the street.