something different

by nick nelson

so, what are we going to do tonight? i thought we’d do the usual, fuck with some guys, fuck some broads. maybe fuck somebody up good. i thought maybe we could do something a little different. like what? i thought maybe we could go the opera, or the symphony, something like that. very funny, vinnie. that’s really funny. no, i’m serious. hear mr out. it’s about diversification. diversity! are you shitting me? don’t say that word around me. not diversity, diversification. it’s a different thing. this is the modern age, right, the twenty-first century? i guess. i was reading this book and it says to survive in the modern age you can’t just be one thing, or the same thing all the time. because then you become predictable and everybody that’s chasing you can catch you from behind and drag you down. so who’s chasing us? everybody! that’s the point, the whole modern world is chasing you faster and faster every day. so what would you suggest? listen. first off, we can’t be vinnie and tony and joey all the time. we should be jeffrey and dylan and adam some of the time, or really go for it and be chester and lance and derek. i don’t know. come on, let’s give it a try. it won’t hurt to give it a try. * later that night. chester and lance and derek arrive at the symphony. the first thing they see, standing outside. the entrance, are three women. not the youngest women, or the thinnest women, but women. and they look like they are waiting for something. they are not actually wearing mink coats or wearing buckets of diamonds, or holding lorgnettes. but to chester and lance and derek they look like they are. good evening, ladies, chester addresses them. good evening to you, one of the ladies answers him. i’m chester, and these are my friends lance and derek. i am cynthia wallford-thornton, and this is my cousin alicia cosgrove-benson, and this is the countess of denworth, here on a visit. we are pleased to meet you. are you gentlemen fond of charles ives? you must be , if you are here tonight. charles is o k, but do you know what we really like? no, what? we like to have a good time. why, so do we! you know, i have a feeling old charles might not be on his game tonight. that could very well be. and in any case, we have experienced hm so many times before. i think we are moving in the same direction here. indeed. there is a cab over there , why don’t you see if he is engaged.? i will do that. do you think we can all squeeze in to it? why not? it sounds like a good way to start having a good time. the cab was a large one, and it took off with the three gentlemen sitting on the laps of the three ladies. chester thought the driver looked familiar. it was jerry the squid, from bayonne! but if jerry recognized chester and derek and lance he did not say so. jerry guided the cab expertly through the heavy traffic, heading uptown. a light rain began to fall.