“have you met ernestine’s new friend?” lady mary asked captain cole.
“no, i have not, “ the captain drawled. i did not know that ernestine had a friend. is she as dreadful a bluestocking as ernestine?”
“there she is, over at the piano, talking to lord marberry and sir harold. would you like me to introduce you?”
“good god, what a drab little worm. and what would a young girl, even one so unprepossessing as that, possibly be discussing with two old lawn ornaments like lord marberry and sir harold?”
lady mary laughed. “i am pretty sure i can tell you exactly what they are discussing.”
“and what might that be?” the captain replied dutifully.
“temperance.”
“temperance? you mean as in the temperate zones of the earth? i can assure that the best hunting is to be found in the tropical zone. that is, of any beast worth hunting.”
“no, you goose. temperance, as in relating to the consumption of liquor. miss zane has strong opinions about the evils of drink.”
“you do not say so! you mean she is one of those harpies who runs about smashing saloons with axes and depriving the lower orders of their only pleasure? i hope, at least.she confines her attentions to such, and would not presume to lecture gentlemen as to how they take their pleasure. “
lady mary had indeed touched captain cole to the quick, as the gallant captain, in his spare time when he was not engaged in raising horses, hunting big game, or dispersing unruly natives, had authored several books with such titles as “the deep draught of empire” and “ale and the anglo-saxon” in which he argued for strong drink as one of the foundations of empire.
lady mary laughed. “i do not know that she actually engages in such behavior herself, but i am sure that she approves of it. but, come, let me introduce you to her, and you can ask her yourself. her name, by the way, is zane - miss zephyr zane.”
“what an appalling name. her parents must have been freethinkers, or herders of sheep.”
“ha ha. in any case, it is the name she must waft her way through the world with.”
lady mary and the captain crossed the few yards to the little group miss zane was holding forth to, and when miss zane paused for breath, lady mary made the introductions.
“i was just explaining to the captain, miss zane, that you are a passionate advocate of the temperance movement, “ lady mary concluded her introduction with the hint of a mischievous smile. “he also takes an interest in the subject, and i am sure you will have much to talk about.”
miss zane stared at the captain with a bit more directness than might be considered entirely proper, and replied. “yes, i am indeed a passionate advocate of the so-called temperance movement, which i think might more properly be called the sanity movement, and if you are interested, sir, i am giving a series of lectures at town hall next week on the subject, if you would care to attend.”
“i may have other engagements,” the captain replied politely.
“of course. one always has engagements in this busy modern world, does one not? “
“indeed,” the captain answered, “one longs for the good old days, when people high and low minded their own business, and lord and churl alike could enjoy their simple pleasures.”
“simple pleasures?” miss zane raised her eyebrows just enough too indicate that she had caught the thrust of the captain’s modest sally.
“i refer, of course, to the simple pleasures of the hunt for the gentry, and of darts and bowls for the peasantry.”
“quite. i was just about t recite a little ballad i have penned, and ernestine has been kind enough to agree to accompany me on the piano. would you like to hear it?”
“i should like nothing better.”
miss zane began to recite.
i dreamed i saw carrie nation last night
alive as you or me
i brought flowers for your grave, said i
i never died , said she
the curse of drink still roils the earth
a river of despair
carrying the wreckage of christian lives
as cries of children fill the air
this carnage of souls
has yet to reach its sum
and lo! on the horizon
worse is yet to come!
a thousand new addictions
a vice for every taste
boil up from satan’s vat
and lay the world waste
let us seize the moment
and grasp the serpent in his nest
the sound of battle fills the air
o shall we pass the test?!?
miss zane indicated that she was finished, and all the guests clapped politely.
“that was delightful,” the captain announced with a smirk. “ i, too , have a little ballad i would like to recite.”
“oh, yes, please do!” the guests all cried.
captain cole commenced:
when bandits rode the oceans
and viikings ruled the waves
and fell upon defenseless lands
with fire and sword and stave
o what upheld an island race
except the might of arms
raised in rude defiance
in front of castle, dale, and farm
and when the fight was truly won
and called for celebration
what could reward the spirit
of a victorious nation?
what but a hoisted tankard
of good ale or mead
washing down the lusty throats
of a people newly freed
o shall a warrior nation
be condemned to die of thirst?
or shall we raise our glasses
to victory’s endless burst?
the captain concluded, with a defiant glare at miss zane, who raised her chin and returned it with interest.
“hear,”hear,” sir harold cried feebly. “that was splendid, too. splendid, splendid. i think we can all agree, can we not, that whatever little differences we have, the empire … yes, the empire… and the queen… our beloved queen…”
suddenly a shot rang out.
“good heavens, what was that?” lady mary exclaimed. “i wonder if sometime has been murdered. see to it, will you, parker?”
“yes, madam,” the butler replied, and hastened away.
lady mary clapped her hands. “well, this has all been quite jolly, but cook has prepared a wonderful dinner for us, and we would not want it to go to waste. so i move we all repair to the dining room.”
“very well,” said ernestine , rising from the piano. “i just hope the wonderful dinner does not contain mushrooms. i detest mushrooms, and think they might well be the next object of some enterprising crusade.”
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