human improvement, part 1

by emily de villaincourt

part one of two

the day was a gloomy one, and daisy and daphne sat up straight in their highbacked chairs, as they always did when mother summoned them. mother, seated on her high thronelike chair, stared at them for about half a minute, and then got up, crossed to the parlor door, and opened it to make sure no servants were listening behind it.. of course none of them were, as they were well used to mother’s ways, but mother was nothing if not thorough. returning to her chair, mother gazed down at the two sisters. “you two geese are probably wondering why i summoned you,” she announced. “we hope you are feeling better, mother,” daisy ventured timidly. “no, i am not feeling better, thank you very much. doctor harris has not amended his diagnosis, and i still have about twelve months to live.” daisy and daphne bowed their heads. “we are sorry to hear that, mother,” daphne said. “no doubt. but i have summoned you here to discuss a matter even you two would have trouble feigning disinterest in - my will.” neither daisy nor daphne made any response, and mother continued. “no doubt you thought that i would simply divide my estate evenly between you. or perhaps you were worried that i would leave all or most to the human improvement society, to whose goals i have dedicated most of my existence. but i have decided on another course, one which, as you will see, does indeed reflect my lifelong dedication to the cause of human improvement.” a few raindrops struck the windows of the parlor. “here is what i propose,” mother continued, “you must each find a husband before i die - not a beau, not a betrothed, but an actual husband that you will be legally wedded to at the time of my demise.” “but, mother!” exclaimed daisy. “this is -“ “let me finish, please, daisy. when you are each married, i will then make a decision as to which of you has made the better catch. the one who has, will get everything - the other, nothing. do you understand? of course, if one is married and the other not, obviously the married one wins.” “but,” cried daphne, “what if neither of us is married? what then?” mother smiled. “then everything will go to the human improvement society. you will both be out on the highway, or at the mercy of such relations as we have - those same poor relations who have always complained so bitterly as to my attitude toward them.” “this is all so unfair!” exclaimed daisy. “and - and so sudden!” “be that as it may,” mother replied, “it is what i have made up my mind to do - and have prevailed upon attorney griswold - who whimpered about it almost as loudly as you two - to draw up the articles implementing my wishes.” “but,” daisy persisted. “we are well-bred young ladies, not chorus girls or golddiggers - how are we to ‘catch’ as you put it, a gentleman on such short notice?” for the first time mother’s eyes showed a glint of amusement. “trust me. young ladies with such prospects as yourselves will have no trouble finding suitors if you make it known you will entertain them. And - who said anything about marrying a gentleman?” “but, surely - “ daphne and daisy exclamed together. “listen to me, for this is the most important part. neither of you had wit enough to ask me exactly what qualities i will judge the husbands on, so i will tell you. i will judge him on one quality - one quality alone. looks. good looks. he must be handsome. i care not if he be rich or poor, a saint or a sinner, a savant or a booby, a milksop or a bully. i do not even care if he be an anglo-saxon, or if he belongs to one of the inferior races of europe. is that clear enough for you?” daisy and daphne were speechless. * when the girls got back to their room - the room they had shared since their birth eighteen years before - they still had not recovered sufficiently to talk about what they had heard. they found ellen waiting for them. ellen had been hired as their maid a few months before. she was a saucy creature, whom mother suspected of not quite knowing her place, but it was difficult to get good help in the modern world. the twins had harbored the hope that they might get separate maids on their eighteenth birthday, but in this, as in so many things, mother’s tightfisted ways had frustrated them. with all that, they both found ellen rather amusing, though taking care to profess to be shocked by her more outspoken utterances. unbeknownst to the twins, and to mother, ellen had overheard the entire conversation regarding their proposed marriages. mother’s precautions had never deterred her in the slightest from knowing everything that happened in the house. ellen had already begun forming her own plans when, with a little gentle prodding, daphne and daisy unburdened themselves to her. part two